Passive Restraints                                            NOT FOR KIDS!
I must have come up on the wreck just after the collision. The sun was bright and no breeze could be felt as I knelt by the drivers door of the white Buick. Had it been a Pontiac or a Saturn it would have made more sense to me, since GM has given up on them, but I digress...
 
I looked both up and down the roadway in hopes of spying another driver, perhaps then I could summons the highway patrol while this other stranger guarded the site.
 
The poor guy didn't have a chance; what was left the animal he hit was entangled in the grille work of the old car, The drivers' head stuck through the broken windshield like a trophy on the wall in a hunter's den. Though I was never trained in first-aid, I recognized quickly that he was beyond any help. The impact had torn one of his ears from its' mooring and little stream of blood poured over the pieces of tinted glass that was once a windshield.
 
The expression on his face was not of horror, but of puzzlement, as if he didn't understand the question that might have been put to him just before his death. I could hear ticking and was alarmed at first, then I breathed a sigh of relief as I found the emergency blinker switch jammed in the on position. A cruel twist on such a warm day.
 
It seemed quite odd that no other vehicles had come by, I thought I had passed several only minutes earlier. Looking at my watch, I couldn't decide a reasonable course of action, should I wait, or drive on to Monroe and inform the authorities.
 
Thoughts of Steven King novels passed through my mind as I moved back towards the wrecked sedan. Weakly, I climbed up on the hood of the car to push the guy back into his seat. Hadn't this fellow seen at least one of all those hundreds of seat belt ads....
 
The physics of the situation made me think of Chinese handcuffs in reverse as I pushed on the guy's head. I met with great resistance and I snapped I guess as I pushed even harder. His scalp fell off into my hands. I think I urinated in my trousers. It sure scared me. Then the urge hit me, a feeling beyond description. As his brains oozed out of the opening in his skull and dripped over my hands, I could hold back no longer. Sheepishly I began eating the gray matter still warm from where blood had flowed only minutes before. I imagined it would taste gritty, but it wasn't. Slowly and deliciously I drank from this delicacy, savoring each sip of the jelly like membrane.
 
I awoke from this daze while the officers were clubbing me and screaming at me to get back. One of them had thrown up all over his crisp clean uniform. The handcuffs cut deep into my wrists as I struggle to free myself from the bumper of their cruiser.
 
It was my ex-wife that had given me away. It was she who told the detectives that I trained livestock. They said that this was the ninth time, the ninth time that a car had struck a cow seemingly out of the blue......and the ninth time that a driver had been mutilated beyond recognition.
 
How did I know they weren't wearing the seat belts they asked repeatedly. What was my motivation for such a treacherous act? Little did they know, I thought to myself, as the pellets struck the water in the small bowl. The hissing noise rose in volume as the visitor's pressed up against the briefing room window for this last look.
 
The congressman said he remembered my letters. He could recall my pleas for passive restraints, The people must be protected against themselves I had written. Air bags, seat belts, at any costs......Little did they know that someday, I'd be back.

 

This is only a story and  in no way implies that the author would like to carry out these actions in any form in this world or any other and no cows were actually harmed.

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